The Little Green Snake as heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

 

GARDEN  SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also  known as Garter Snakes can  be dangerous. Yes, little green snakes, not  rattlesnakes. Here's why.A couple  in  Sweetwater , Texas  ,  had a lot of potted plants. During a recent  cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them  indoors to protect them from a possible  freeze.
It turned out that a little green  garden grass snake was hidden in one  of the plants. When it had warmed up, it  slithered out and the wife saw it go under the  sofa.   She let out a very loud  scream. The husband (who was taking a  shower) ran out into the living room naked to  see what the problem was. She told him there was  a snake under the sofa.He got down on  the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.  About that time the family dog came and  cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the  snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell  over on the floor.
His wife thought he  had had a heart attack, so she covered him up,  told him to lie still and called an  ambulance.
The attendants rushed in,  would not listen to his protests, loaded him on  the stretcher, and started carrying him  out.

About that time, the snake came out  from under the sofa and the Emergency  Medical Technician saw it and dropped his  end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke  his leg and why he is still in the  hospital.The wife still had the problem  of the snake in the house, so she called on a  neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.  He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and  began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided  it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on  the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing,  her hand dangled in between the cushions, where  she felt the snake wriggling around. She  screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back  under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing  her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to  revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had  just returned from shopping at the grocery  store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's  mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the  head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him  out and cutting his scalp to a point where it  needed stitches.The noise woke the woman  from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor  lying on the floor with his wife bending over  him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten  him. She went to the kitchen and got a small  bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the  man's throat.By now, the police had  arrived.They saw the  unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and  assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They  were about to arrest them all, when the women  tried to explain how it all happened over a  little garden snake!The police called an  ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his  sobbing wife.Now, the little snake again  crawled out from under the sofa and one of the  policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He  missed the snake and hit the leg of the end  table. The table fell over, the lamp on it  shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a  fire in the drapes.The other policeman  tried to beat out the flames, and fell through  the window into the yard on top of the family  dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the  street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid  it and smashed into the parked police  car.Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning  drapes and called in the fire department. The  firemen had started raising the fire ladder when  they were halfway down the street. The rising  ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the  power, and disconnected the telephones in a  ten-square city block area (but they did get the  house fire out).Time passed! Both men  were discharged from the hospital, the house was  repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired  a new car and all was right with their  world.A while later they were watching  TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for  that night. The wife asked her husband if he  thought they should bring in their plants for  the night.And that's when he shot  her.