As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson
 
- It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
 
- The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
 
- A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
 
- When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
 
- Five days a week my body is a temple, the other two it's an amusement park.
 
- Learn from your parents mistakes, use birth control.
 
- Money isn't everything but it sure keeps kids in touch.
 
- Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill something
 
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
 
- Reality is only an illusion that occurs from lack of alcohol.
 
- We are born naked, wet and hungry and then things get worse.
 
- Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
 
- Ninety-Nine percent of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.
 
- Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to form reproductive organs.
 
- Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi.
 
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
 
- The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75 percent of the population.
 
- Why is a politician like a banana? He comes in at first and is green, then he turns yellow, then he is rotten!
 
- I think congessman should wear uniforms, like nascar drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.
 
- The reason why politicians try so hard to get re-elected is because they would hate to live under the laws they have passed.