As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks: Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 
4. Sing Along At The Opera. 
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 
6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 

8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.