As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

 

10. Hey! Now there's a gift!

9. Well, well, well...

8. Boy, if I had not recently gained 40 pounds that would have fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the house.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It's fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it-- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think-- I got this the year i vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

And the number one thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like...

1. "I really don't deserve this."