As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

 

If Jesus had been a Norwegian,

Things would be so different today.

  Instead of Matthew, Mark and Luke and John,

  We'd have Sven and Lars and Ole.

  Walking on the water

Would be no special trick,

  'Cause all over Norway,

The ice is awful thick.

If Jesus was a Norsky,

We'd all eat lutefisk.

  We'd have lefse for Communion,

And there'd be no Methodists.

  If you wanted to say Amen,

We're not gonna let ya.

  At the end of every prayer we'd shout,

  "Ya, sure, you betcha!"

There'd be no December birthday.

  You'd be frozen where you lie.

  If Jesus was born in Norway,

Christmas would be in July.

  Feeding all the multitude

Would be an easy task.

  With one big bucket of lutefisk,

"Please no more," they'd ask.

But Jesus was no Norsky.

  It could not be done.

  Jews are much more serious.

  'Wegians too much fun.

  But the deciding factor

When God searched around,

  He scanned all of Norway,

Three wise men were not found.

(Ya, sure, you betcha!)