As heard on the Good Stuff wtih Jim Thompson

While conducting  some  business  at the Court House, I overheard  a Lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty  but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said,  sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear hose extenuating circumstances."

I did too so, I listened as the Lady told her story."Your Honor, I had a mammogram  appointment, which I actually kept. I was met  by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to  one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I  need you to do is  step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this  gown. Everything clear?

"I'm thinking,  "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.With the  right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can  you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I  answered. 

I was freezing,  bruised, and  out of air, so why not use the remaining  circulation in my legs and neck to finish me  off?  My body was in a holding pattern that  defied gravity (with my other breast  wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of  square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was  off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is  working, bet they hit a snag." Then she  headed for the door."Excuse me! You're  not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said,  "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll  be right back."

Before I could shout  NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men  Extraordinaire" found me....half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if  I knew the  power was off.

Trying to  disguise my hysteria, I replied with as  much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did  but thanks anyway.""OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at  the grocery store.Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The  power came back on and I totally forgot about you! and Silly me, I went to lunch.
Are we  upset?"And that, Your Honor, is exactly  how her head ended up
between the clamps...."The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said,
"Case Dismissed.”