As heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through Deadwood
Not a creature was stirring

Not one of them could

 

Their feet were all sore

From a night filled with dancin’

Their heads felt Vixen

Was in there a prancin’.

 

Bill died in August

McCall got a choker

Jane was still mourning

And Alice played poker.

 

The street was a mess

It was all full of mud

From the party last night

Some beer and some blood

 

The mud was so deep

That you’d sink up to here

Could Santa get through

With a team of reindeer?

 

Then through the doors of the old number 10

We heard such a clatter we knew there and then,

He’d made it. We had a great Christmas in store

As he squeezed his big belly through the small saloon door.

 

 

He said, “Merry Christmas, Ho! Ho! Where’s the game?

And he whistled to his reindeer and called them by name.

Now Dancer, now Prancer, now Donner and Vixen,

I’ll be in here, Cupid, feed the meter, Blitzen.

 

He strode to the table and ordered a gin.

He pulled up a chair and said, “Deal me in.”

His luck was fantastic! He cleaned us all out.

 

“The children all thank you,” he said with a shout.

 

As he squeezed out the door and mounted his sleigh,

The reindeer all grunted and we heard him say,

“Come on Vomit and Stupid, get it in gear,

Merry Christmas to all, better luck next year.”

 

If your children should wake-up and find something shocking

Like a couple of chips tucked away in their stocking,

Or if they get toys that set your head spinnin’

You’ll know where Santa was and that he was winnin’.