The pastor was just about ready to start the service and the opening hymn was already playing when a stranger enters the church, marches straight down the main aisle and seats himself in the very first pew. "Wow," thinks the pastor, "I wish all my parishioners were this enthusiastic!" and he goes on with the service. At the end of the service, the pastor adjourns to the narathex to greet the parishioners as they exit. Since the stranger came so late and sat at the very front, he was one of the last to greet the pastor this morning. "Welcome, it is good to have you with us this morning," says the pastor. "Are you new to this area and looking for a church home?" "No, not really," says the stranger. "Well, then what brings you to our church?" replies the pastor. "This is a professional visit," replies the stranger. "You see, I am a bus driver, and I am here this morning to see just how you guys do it to get people to sit in the back."

A minister was walking along the corridor near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?" He told him he was a pastor and this is the uniform ministers wear. Then the boy pointed to the pastor's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?" The pastor was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band aid. So the minister took it out and handed it to the boy to show him. On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer. The little guy felt the letters, and the pastor asked, "Do you know what those words say?" "Yes, I do," said the lad who was not old enough to read yet. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months."

It was show-and-tell in class, and the theme was "My Religion." Three students stood up at the front of the class. The first said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my prayer hat." The second student said, "I'm Catholic, and this is my rosary." The third student said, "I'm Lutheran, and this is my casserole."

Q: How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but if it's in the front row, it will never get fixed!

It has been said that the only thing that ever changes in the Lutheran Church is the color of the Jell-O® served at the monthly potluck dinners.


At the local Lutheran Church the Pastor found out that the Organist for Sunday was ill and he was nervous because this was his Stewardship Sunday and he had special hymns selected. A young girl was filing in at the last minute and he told her he was apprehensive as she did not have much experience, and the church was behind on their bills. "I need music that will inspire people to be very generous he stated". "No problem she said." At the end of the sermon the Pastor asked everyone to stand that would be willing to commit themselves to giving an extra $100.00 a month. Suddenly, the entire congregation stood as the young organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

There is a story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

After church Ole said to the pastor, "Nice sermon there pastor, but I noticed you mentioned St. Paul several times but you never mentioned Minneapolis."

Our congregation has become part of the "Reformed Lutheran church"! Mostly decaf coffee is now served at church functions!

How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: Change? What's change!
Los Alamitos, California

What is the difference between an extroverted and introverted Lutheran? Answer: An introverted Lutheran looks at HIS shoes when he talks to you. An extroverted one looks at YOUR shoes.
Appleton, Wisconsin