Language of the Workplace...

As heard on The Good Stuff with Jim Thompson

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

 

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

 

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

 

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

 

Elvis Year: The peak year of something's or someone's popularity. "Barney the Dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."

 

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

 

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

 

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.

 

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

 

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

 

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

 

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

 

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

 

Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.

 

Depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

 

Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

 

Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.