My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

  Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big,
round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I
ate a pizza.

  How to prepare Tofu:
  1. Throw it in the trash.
  2. Grill some Meat.

  I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

  I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and
20 minutes.

  A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than men who mention it.

  Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to
walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

  Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

  Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they
closed school? Me neither.

  I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or
talented....I forgot where I was going with this.

  I love being over 50. I learn something new every day.......and forget
5 others.

  A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money
so I woke up and searched with him.

  My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW! Right?

  I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it
a day.

  Sunday, March 13, 2016 was Daylight Savings Time. I set the bathroom scale
back 10 pounds on Saturday night.