They're Back! Those wonderful  Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness  for the 
church ladies with  typewriters. These sentences  actually appeared in 
church bulletins or were announced  at church services: 


The Fasting & Prayer Conference  includes meals. 

Scouts are saving aluminium  cans, bottles and other items to be  recycled. 
Proceeds will  be used to cripple children. 

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: 
'Searching for Jesus.' 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage  sale. It's a chance to get rid of those 
things not worth keeping  around the house. Bring your husbands. 

Don't let worry kill you off - let  the Church help. 

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will  not pass this way again,' giving obvious 
pleasure to the  congregation. 

For those of you who have  children and don't know it, we have a  nursery 
downstairs. 

Next Thursday there will be  try-outs for the choir. They need all  the help 
they can get. 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter  were married on October 24 in the church. 
So ends a friendship  that began in their school days. 

A bean supper will be held on  Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music 
will follow. 

At the evening service  tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What  Is Hell?' 
Come early and  listen to our choir practice. 

Eight new choir robes are  currently needed due to the addition  of several 
new members and to  the deterioration of some older  ones. 

Please place your donation in  the envelope along with the deceased  person 
you want  remembered. 

The church will host an  evening of fine dining, super  entertainment and 
gracious  hostility. 

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -  prayer and medication to follow. 

The ladies of the Church have  cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be 
seen in the  basement on Friday afternoon. 

This evening at 7 PM there will  be a hymn singing in the park across  from 
the Church. Bring  a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

The pastor would appreciate it  if the ladies of the Congregation  would 
lend him their electric  girdles for the pancake breakfast next  Sunday. 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will  meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the 
back door. 

The eighth-graders will be  presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the  Church 
basement  Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation  is invited to attend this 
tragedy. 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM  at the First Presbyterian Church. Please 
use large double door at  the side entrance. 

And this one just about sums them all  up 

The Associate Minister  unveiled the church's new campaign  slogan last 
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' 
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