"Old World Charm" Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light. 
"Tropical" Rainy. 
"Majestic Setting" A long way from town, at end of dirt road. 
"Options Galore" Nothing is included in the price. 
"Secluded Hideaway" Directions to locate unclear. 
"Some budget rooms" Sorry, already occupied. 
"Explore on your own" At your own expense. 
"Minutes From ... " By Plane 
"Romantic" No Phone in room. 
"Knowledgeable trip hosts" They've flown in an airplane before. 
"Bird Watchers Paradise" Your car's paint will never be the same . 
"Nominal Fee" Outrageous charge. 
"Superior Accommodations" One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap. 
"All the Amenities" Two chocolates, two shower caps. 
"Just Like Home" No Maid service 
"Plush" Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes. 
"Light and airy" No air conditioning. 
"Picturesque" Theme park nearby.