Pat’s Advice

(To be Taken With a Grain of Salt)


By Phyllis Kozroski (1995)

AS heard on the Good Stuff with Jim Thompson


It was a normal enough year,

We were a month or so behind.

Needed an extra pair o’ hands

An’ wanted the useful kind.


Pat said he had some advice,

And, for sure, it was for free:

“Don’t hire a kid from an Angus place,”

Was what Pat said to me.


Now, I was a mite surprised,

‘Cause Pat, he’s an Angus man.

But older and wiser, he explained

How he’d arrived at his hiring plan.


The kid from an Angus ranch, he said,

Can’t do what he don’t know how.

He’s never had to pull a calf

Or range-treat an Angus cow!


He’s never trimmed a curled-up toe

Or treated a pendulous bag.

He don’t know how to dehorn a steer,

And a prolapse’d make him gag.


He’s never helped a calf mother-up

Or seen a sunburned udder

Nor searched the range for a baby

Abandoned by his mother.


The Angus ranch kid, he’s lazy;

His horse is downright fat.

He’s great at yarnin’ and singin’

But you don’t want to pay for that.


IF you really want a bargain,

Get a kid from a Hereford place.

He can do any vettin’ you need done.

He’ll be thin, won’t take up much space.


He’ll be lean and mean and ranchy,

And he’ll be greatful to ya, honey,

‘Cause he ain’t used to reg’lar meals,

And he sure ain’t used to money!