A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.  Kind of
makes you proud.


 A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a
heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up
his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green
and stares at him.

"I'm dying here, and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the
second hole, and he's coming to help you. "Well, how long will it take for
him to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband.
"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."


 A young man and a priest are playing together.

At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole,
my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when
we pray, we keep our head down."


 Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody3-iron
standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her
hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know -- put me
down for a five."


 A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his
ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two
trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced
back, hit him in the forehead, and killed him.  As he approached the gates
of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?" The man replied: "Got
here in two, didn't I?


 The bride was escorted down the aisle.

When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag
and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day,
is it?"