Some friends have asked what I'm going to be doing in retirement. Well, among other things, I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighbourhood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me: Forget it...IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!?  
So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a 'Mosque'.
Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It's the government that scares the crap out of me.